im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
