Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Swine flu is the new snow day.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
