Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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