Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
