You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
