And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
