I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
