Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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