so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
