Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Randomize
