if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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