We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
