This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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