It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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