I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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