The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
