If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
