Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
