the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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