i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
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