If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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