Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
