cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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