fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
