Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Rumble strips road head = magical
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
