ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
