I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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