i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
