I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
