I skipped work to stalk him.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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