I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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