I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
