she was so not down for the gang bang
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I am one with the molecules
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
