He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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