remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
