Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
did i just pee glitter
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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