I looked at my own cervix.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
