So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
