ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
