I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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