Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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