so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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