Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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