well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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