you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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