What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Where is the hickey?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
