Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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