drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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