It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
