I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize