So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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