Your face is a jimmy john
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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