I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
