also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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