Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So here I am, sexting at work.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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