there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
